


Five Stories Over Four Years - The Severus Montage

by aforgetfulgirl, hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Order of Weed [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hanson - Freeform, Implied Relationships, MWPP Era, Marauders, Swearing, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforgetfulgirl/pseuds/aforgetfulgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"What do you do to annoy a dark and dreary and ugly and stupid sort of sod?" [Sirius] asked himself, glancing about the library again. "</i>Oh<i> my," he said. "Oh my, oh my. James, darling, don't you think that Severus is due for a return to the summer of 1997?"</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. June 2003

"Reeeeemus," Sirius whined, laying his head on the table and looking up at his friend pathetically. " _Reeeeeeeeeemus_!"

Remus shifted in his chair, propped his book up higher, and tried to ignore Sirius.

It was only two weeks before final exams and Remus was trying to study. Sirius and James, it turned out, never studied, though, and this was making it annoyingly more difficult. Especially because for the first time in his life, he'd _rather_ put something before schoolwork. However much he wanted to just spend time with his friends, though, he could not. He _had_ to study, because he _had_ to do well on his exams to keep his scholarship, and he _had_ to keep his scholarship or he wouldn't be allowed to come back next year, and he _had_ to come back next year in order to spend more time with his friends. Didn't they understand he was doing it for _them_?

"Bored, bored, boredy bored booooored," James chimed in. "We're bored. You've been reading and taking notes for _hours_ and you probably know more than your average old grandfather who stayed in school _his whole life_. You'll do fine on your exams, so no more studying. We are bored!"

"Bored!" Sirius exclaimed for emphasis. "Someday you will go blind from all this reading, you know, and you'll be trying to force Jamie and me to learn braille, and we won't be very pleased with you. _Entertain us_ , you nonce."

"If you positively refuse to prepare for exams, then at the very least why can't you go entertain each other so I can prepare in peace?" Remus asked in a whisper. Madame Pince was already giving their table dirty looks because Sirius and James never really bothered to lower their voices all that much. "Why can't you just let me study in peace? You never needed me to have fun before. You didn't even know me before this year."

" _Braille_ , Remus," Sirius answered gravely. "We cannot have you suffering yourself into falling apart too early, you know, and the safest means of seeing that that doesn't happen is to have you entertain Jamie and I because otherwise we'll just keep ourselves busy with poop jokes and general naughtiness."

"As long as you're _out_ of the library, you may tell all the poop jokes you like," Remus hissed and pulled his book even closer, as though he'd be able to focus on his reading if the words were just that much closer.

James snickered and then said to Sirius, "Well, mate, I guess that means general naughtiness is allowed in the library. What _shall_ we do?"

"That isn't what I meant," Remus said weakly. He liked Sirius and James, he really did, but sometimes they were just _exhausting_.

Sirius glanced around, chewing on his bottom lip. "Oooh!" he announced, pointing toward the corner. "Lookit, Jamie. I wonder what Snapey-Pants is listening to?"

"Whatever it is, it's put him to sleep," James said, grinning brightly. Sure enough, at the furthest table in the furthest corner from them, was Snape with his head down on the desk, a book open before him, and a stack of books rivalling Remus' on the table next to his head. "And it is probably very dark and dreary and ugly and stupid, because he is so very dark and dreary and ugly and stupid. It is an obvious conclusion to draw."

"Leave him alone. A library is supposed to be a safe space," Remus said, his voice pleading. Even if the library wasn't Severus' safe space, it had always been Remus'. "Why don't you just go nick some food from the kitchens or something?"

"Not hungry," Sirius answered, waving his hand absently in Remus' general direction. "What do you do to annoy a dark and dreary and ugly and stupid sort of sod?" He asked himself, glancing about the library again. " _Oh_ my," he said. "Oh my, oh my. James, darling, don't you think that Severus is due for a return to the summer of 1997?"

Remus knew a lost cause when he saw one, so he just turned back to his book, determined to make the most of his time now that their attentions were focussed somewhere else. Who knew how much time he had before they returned to pestering him?

James snickered again. It was a very snicker-worthy situation, he thought. And he agreed with Sirius so fully that he didn't even bother answering him. He knew what Sirius was getting at. They were on the same wavelength, as usual. Instead, James just got up and made for Lily.

Lily was there, in the library (James had done Lily inventory whenever he entered any room, and if she was there, he knew where, why, who she was with, and what she was doing), and he quickly headed for her and Alice's table.

Sliding into the seat next to her, he said, "Hello Evans, my lovely, lovely thing. I need a favour. It is for a good cause."

Lily looked at him exasperated. "I'm not going on a date with you, Potter. I don't care if you're raising money for the rainforest."

"One day, Lily. One day," James said wistfully, and then shook his head and got back on topic. "But! I am not here for the purpose of love. I am here because I need to borrow that orange CD I occasionally tease you about owning."

Lily frowned. "You're not using _Middle of Nowhere_ for a Frisbee, Potter."

"No, no. I wish to play it," James said, tactfully not mentioning that it would be to Severus, and likely at full volume, as a torture device. "Please? Mmmbop?"

"You really want to _listen_ to it? Not use it as a plaything?" Lily asked, sceptical.

"Yes, really. Really really," James assured her, smiling brightly. "Come on, Evans! This is your chance to spread the love! It's like they say. Where's the love? It's not enough. It makes the world go round. Uh, and round and round."

What? So he'd downloaded a few songs. Lily liked them, and he liked Lily, and he knew full well he could use any help he could get, from Hanson or otherwise.

Lily couldn't help it. She _grinned_. "Okay," she said, reaching into her bag and pulling out her CD case. Flipping through she pulled out Middle of Nowhere and handed it to James. "One scratch, Potter, and you'll be buying me a new one. And getting it autographed for good measure."

James grinned back and took the CD, the corners of his mouth twitching into a more deviant expression. "Can I give you a thank you kiss? Please? Just a little one?"

Lily bit her lip and stuck out her cheek a bit. "Only there."

James barely held back a whoop (it came out sort of half strangled and the stodgy old librarian lady _still_ shushed him) and swooped in, planting a kiss on her cheek happily.

"Thank you. And I promise I won't damage it," James said, and then ran back to Sirius, orange CD in hand. He plopped into the seat next to him and held out his prize. "CD acquired. Time for you to use your superior sneaking skills, mate."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You quoted lyrics, didn't you?"

"Twice," James said proudly, and then his eyes went a little misty. "She doesn't know half the things I do for her. We'd be bloody perfect together, you know."

Sirius shook his head. "Oh, woe. Quoting Hanson for the sake of a peck on the cheek. You've sunk to new lows, James. Hasn't he sunk to new lows, Remus?"

"I wouldn't know. I'm too busy studying," Remus said determinedly. If he pretended he wasn't listening to them plot to disturb Severus, he couldn't be implicated, right? Or would he still be considered an accessory? Well, he certainly didn't approve. It wasn't his fault they never listened to him. If he was an accessory, so was Lily.

"Boring! Go on, mate. Make the switch. I'll create a minor, quiet distraction so as not to wake him," James instructed excitedly, nudging Sirius in Snape's direction. They'd long since established a system: brains work together to formulate pranks, James is good at set-ups and distractions, and Sirius does the sneaky bits. It's because everyone always suspects Sirius when he tries to set anything up, and James is really too excitable to manage to be quiet for long.

Sirius nodded and stood, padding off in Severus' direction with Middle of Nowhere in his right hand. He successfully avoided Lily's gaze, and tiptoed from the reference section of the library to Severus side. The greasy bloke with snoring, and there was a puddle of drool soaking through the pages of his open book.

"Nancy," Sirius said, smirking. "You're probably dreaming about slicing your wrists with guitar strings, aren't you, you horrible little dear?"

Sirius reached forward, pressing pause on Severus' CD player. Quietly, he opened it, pulled out a CD by a band he couldn't actually pronounce, and slipped Hanson in. He closed the top. He licked his lips. He turned up the volume, made ready to run, skipped to number two, and pushed play.

James, meanwhile, _accidentally_ knocked over Remus' enormous stack of books, and apologized loudly enough to draw the evil librarian lady's attention for a few moments, before hastily stacking the books all back up and turning to watch the uproar that was certainly going to ensue.

Remus grumbled something about a lack of respect for books and unfair involvement in schemes that he does not condone, and then began to glare at Sirius and James.

Severus, however. Oh. He _flew_ out of his seat and looked around in shock, as though utterly confused, before ripping off his headphones and turning _purple_.

Sirius, who had automatically ducked behind a shelf, chortled, smiling like a madman.

Lily jumped in her seat. The volume was loud enough that the library could hear a faint version of "Mmmbop." Lily turned her head and glared at James, piecing everything together from Severus' expression. "James the Prat Potter!" she declared through gritted teeth.

" _What_ is going on here?" Madame Pince asked shrilly. "Mister Snape, why are you disturbing my library with erratic behaviour and music that is far too loud?"

"Why? Why am I..." Severus began to spit, irate, but then paused and visibly tried to calm down. Sneering up at the librarian, he said quietly, "I apologize for the interruption, you _blind old bat_. I'll leave."

With that, Severus opened his CD case, flung the orange CD to the ground, and whirled on Potter, who was the only visible perpetrator at the moment, though he had no doubt Black had been involved as well. And Lupin too, judging by how guilty he looked.

"Give it back," he snarled.

"What? Give what back?" James asked mock innocently, though he wondered if they ought to have waited until Lily wasn't around. Not that he really cared if they got pegged for it. It was just harmless fun. Though, he didn't much fancy Lily being mad at him over it. "I didn't know you were a Hanson fan. They don't really seem your usual type."

Lily stood, walking over and retrieving her CD from the floor. "You're a cruel liar, James," she said. "And I'm sorry Severus. Had I know he was just going to be an absolute berk I would've never given him the time of day."

"I--hey!" James protested. "This is unfair!"

Well, it was. But only because it wasn't his entire fault. Not that he'd ever say so. Long-standing rule number one: if you get caught, never rat out the other(s) involved.

"It was just a spot of fun. We thought Snivelly here could use a little pepping up, and Hanson is so wonderfully peppy," James said, and wracked his brains for appropriate lyrics. "Uh... hold onto the ones who really care, because in the end they'll be the only ones there, Lily. I care. I really care. Hold onto me!"

"If you wish to hold on to each other, do it in the hallway," Madame Pince said tersely. "You are making too much noise."

" _Honestly_ , Potter, you are a horrible, horrible boy! I wouldn't hold on to you if you were trying to save me from drowning!" With that she gave him one last piercing look before stalking out of the library, Alice quickly at her heels.

James pouted after her and then scowled in Snape's direction. "This is all your fault."

Sirius, still crouched behind the bookshelf thought that it was certainly his and James' fault combined; it wasn't as though James' didn't know that Lily would realize why Mmmbop was sounding out of Snape's CD player. But he did it anyhow.

Sirius twirled Severus' CD on his pointer finger and grinned. This was going to get interesting. Walking down the aisle toward James and Severus, he started whistling Mmmbop gleefully.

"About time," James muttered as he spotted Sirius approaching. "Couldn't have popped out while Evans was still here so perhaps she wouldn't _utterly hate me_ , could you have?"

"I believe I asked you all to leave," Madame Pince's voice came again, shrill and tremulous with anger but still appropriately quiet. They were in a library, after all.

"I'd be thrilled to if these idiots would return the property they stole from me," Severus hissed, glaring at his CD on Black's finger. "There, there's your evidence. I expect justice to be served for the filth they subjected me to."

"I found this in a magazine called "Retarded Hairstyles." The subscription goes to your post box, it seems," Sirius answered, smiling wryly in Snape's direction. "Misplaced this months copy then, did you?"

James' scowl disappeared and he snickered loudly. Ah, Sirius. There was a reason they were best mates, after all.

"I did not misplace anything! You _stole_ that," Severus snapped, his eyes narrowing. "Now give it to me so I may rid myself of your presence."

Remus sighed and packed up his books. This would never get resolved if Sirius and James just stood there giggling and soon they'd _all_ get in trouble. He walked towards them all, his book bag full to burst over one shoulder, and plucked the CD from Sirius' fingers. Holding it out to Severus, he said, "I'm terribly sorry. You have your CD back, and we're leaving the library. Everything is fine now, isn't it? Have a good day, Severus. I apologize for the disturbance, Madame Pince."

James grinned at Remus as he gave in and played peacekeeper. Well, at least they'd succeeded in getting him to leave the library, and James knew he'd manage to look disapproving for about three minutes before he gave in and did whatever they wanted.

"Right, that's all cleared up then. Let's go, mates," James said and headed for the door.

"Toodles, _darling_ ," Sirius said, waving bye to Snape. "Oh, and you've just a little something here," he added, pointing at his own nostrils. "Must've slipped out in your rage, all that. Perhaps you ought to sniff it on up that great honker of yours, eh Sniff-less?"


	2. December 2003

It was common occurrence for Severus to have his nose buried in a book as he walked down the hall. He rarely saw fit to speak to anyone, and this way, many people were discouraged from attempting to speak _to_ him. Not that there were any who would even if he did not have a book in front of his face.

As it was, however, he had a book just there in front of his face, as usual, and didn't even notice that the door to the broom closet up the hall was ajar and there were slight noises coming from within.

A bandana tied to his head, an eye patch about his eye, and trousers pulled of to his knees, Sirius burst out of the broom closet, a plastic sword in one hand and a bottle of crazy glue in the other. He tackled Snape right into the opposite wall, screaming "YARR SCALLYWAG!" and pinned him there, though the blow and surprise had left Severus a little less than coherent. Pirate Sirius frowned. He had hoped there'd be a bit more of a fight.

"Pansy-arse," he commented.

James followed him out hurriedly and pulled both Sirius and Severus back towards the broom closet. All that was left in the hallway was Severus' book and the odd confused look from a small group of students up the hall.

"Happy Christmas, Snivelly Sevvie-poo!" James crowed, shutting the door behind them and grinning evilly down at Severus, who'd tripped in a daze and fallen. James, for his part, was not dressed as a deranged pirate, but rather as an elf. Though, of course, all of that stuff would be transferred onto Snape now. With superglue to help it stick.

"Get _off_ , you filthy bastards," Snape snarled, lunging for the door. He was not scared. Or, well, perhaps he was, but it was only smart as these two were obviously delusional.

"Decking Snape with ears and jolly bells that ring - a ding, ding, ding!" Sirius sang gleefully, pinning Snape's arms to the floor. "He will be pointy and rosy, ring, ring, ring, a ding, ding, ding!"

"Get away from me!" Severus hollered, or tried to before James stuffed a kerchief in his mouth.

"We've decided we need to get you in the holiday spirit, because you are a grouch! So, thus! You will become an elf!" At that, James pulled off his hat with a flourish and produced pointy plastic ears from his pocket, holding them both out in Snape's direction. "And to try and make the holiday cheer stick, we will be employing the use of suuuuperglue! Ready, my pirate-y mate?"

"Arr!" Sirius answered in agreement. "He be puttin' up a fight, matey. We could always make him walk the plank. And by 'walk the plank' I mean 'walk off of the upper dorm roof'."

"Okay, you glue and I'll stick," James said, grinning evilly. "And then we sprinkle sparkles."

James loved Christmas.

Severus, however, did not. He just looked up at them with wide, fearful eyes. Elf ears, hat, and sparkles? Disgusting. He _hated_ Potter and Black. _A lot_.

Severus hoped, at the very least, that whatever they'd shoved in his mouth was clean.


	3. January 2005

Sirius frowned. Sirius frowned with such intensity that his jaw hurt. Sirius frowned with such anger that he was certain his brain and patience was about to explode into one big, massive, silly putty sort of thing, spraying all over the room. Sirius frowned, looking at Remus, petrified on top of the angry state of things, wishing he could strangle whomever had been a big enough fucking wanker to steal a diabetic's _necessary_ things.

Every little movement from Remus made Sirius jump a foot in the air.

Sirius, please relax," Remus said, though the words felt hypocritical considering he was so freaked out. "I just, I probably, you know, misplaced it somewhere or something. It'll turn up eventually, and until then, I'll just be visiting Madame Pomfrey rather more often than usual. It's no big deal."

Except it _was_ a big deal. Remus had been managing his own blood sugar levels for years. He had routines. His mental well being depended on being able to check his levels various times throughout a day, and without his little black case, he couldn't do that.

The worst part of all of it was that he had no idea where it was, and he couldn't exactly afford to replace it. He knew, no matter what he said, that he _hadn't_ misplaced it. It had simply disappeared. He didn't know what to do without it. He _needed_ it. He'd already looked through his whole room at least three times, and he'd emptied his book bag probably six, and though he knew he'd have found it by now if it was somewhere to be found, he couldn't help but rifle through his bag again.

"Not a big deal!" Sirius exclaimed, a bit louder than was necessary. "Not a big deal! Remus, this is _ridiculous_ and _horrible_ and a far cry beyond common decency, and if I find out who the little arsewipe is, I'm going to wipe _my_ arse with him and then kick him about like a football!"

"Well, getting hysterical won't help, will it?" Remus replied tersely, shoving his hair out of his face with more force than was really required for a few unresisting strands of hair. As soon as the words left his mouth, however, he looked apologetic. Perhaps it was getting to him more than he thought. It was too much like the time in elementary school when some older boys had played keep away for so long he'd passed out. "Sorry, I'm just a little tense."

"Buggering bullshit is what it is," Sirius mumbled. "What sort of brainless tart steals that sort of thing anyhow? Like, where does he get off?"

"I'm sure it wasn't _stolen_ , Sirius," Remus began tolerantly, though he was hard-pressed to come up with any other explanation.

"Good morning, mates. Why the long faces?" James said, coming around the corner and joining Sirius and Remus in the hall.

"Some fucking homicidal wank stole Rem's case," Sirius answered. "Remus can't find the thing anyplace, and I helped and only found a few of Pete's nudie magazines, and they in turn were completely useless at helping. Logically, the only answer is that it has been stolen by someone without either a soul, or any brains. Perhaps a combination of the two."

"Hang on," James said, blinking at them. "Someone stole your case? The one you have with you at _all times_? The one you use a hundred gazillion times every single day? That's bloody ridiculous!"

"Yes, well, I'm dealing with it," Remus informed James bluntly, his face drawn and pale. "I realize it's a total catastrophe, but if both of you could _stop_ making such a big deal out of it, it would really help me _not_ to panic, thank you."

"Er," James replied and looked sidelong at Sirius. Since when was Remus _ever_ short with them. He usually let James and Sirius get away with whatever they wanted, and he was snapping at them now, over them getting angry on his behalf? "You all right, Moony? Is he all right, Padfoot?"

"No! He is completely traumatized by this event and is clearly not himself for he is talking like he has no patience. Moony has infinite, blessed amounts of patience and the events of the day have him, obviously, worn thin." Sirius' consistent frown of the morning grew wider and he felt his jaw crack. "I am not very pleased today, Prongs. Not pleased at all."

"And why ever might that be?" came a sneering voice from just outside of the cafeteria. "I, personally, am in a rather wonderful mood today."

"Really? You'd never tell, what with all the scowling and black clothes, grease head," James said casually, donning his own frown and narrowing his eyes at one Severus Snape. "Wait, why are you talking to us? Why are you in a good mood?"

Sirius' face went pale and he drew conclusions. "You sadistic _fuck_."

Apparently realizing that he was surrounded by an irate looking Sirius, a stormy looking James, and a rather stressed looking Remus, Severus seemed to make a quick decision. Pushing off the wall, he began to head for the main doors of the cafeteria, sneering as he hissed, "I'm sure I don't know _what_ you're talking about."

Sirius, not one to miss a beat, ran forward and caught Severus before he could make it into the crowded lunchroom. "Oh no you don't, you fucking smarmy bastard," he said, James coming forward to help him push Snape against the wall. "Where the _fuck_ is it?"

Despite being pinned to the wall by both James and Sirius, Severus just smiled wickedly at them. He looked over their shoulder at Remus, who seemed torn and pinched. Severus assumed he'd figured it out as well and was now warring with himself over whether or not he should step in and stop his friends or let them have at Severus.

"Your boyfriend is looking a little ill, Black. Rough night?" Snape taunted softly. "Or was it your turn last night, Potter? Lord knows you and Black share fucking _everything_. Is it that you can't get anywhere near Lily so now you're taking advantage of the weak little diseased boy and his unwavering devotion?"

James pressed Snape harder against the wall and bit his tongue, literally, to keep himself from sinking to the other boy's baiting. "Sirius asked you a question. Where the fuck is Remus' case? We know you took it."

Sirius growled. "You're only hurting yourself, you cunt. Spit it out."

"Don't," Remus protested weakly. People were starting to gather and watch. It was only a matter of time before a teacher showed up and they all got in trouble. "We don't know anything. It might not even have been him."

"Oh, we'll see," James replied and pulled Severus' bag away from him. He up-ended the whole thing on the floor of the hallway, tossing the bag aside and picking up a black case. Remus' black case. "You fucking _prick_. You could've actually made him sick, you know that?"

"It's not a practical joke," Sirius added, using all his body strength to shove Snape painfully hard against the wall. "What if something had happened, huh, you son of a bitch? What if he'd gotten ill enough to fall down stairs or something?" Sirius shoved Snape again. " _He's_ the one who stands up for you, fucktard. _He's_ probably the only reason why you haven't offed yourself. Why target someone who hasn't _done_ anything to you?!"

"Well I suppose that's the dangers of being friends with people like you. Guilty by association," Severus choked out, though the pressure Sirius was putting on his throat made it difficult to speak properly. "Now get the fuck off of me."

"Sirius, please," Remus said softly. "Just let him go. This won't solve anything, and I've got it back now anyway."

"If we hadn't bloody found it, where would you be?" James asked, glaring at Snape. "He might never have given it back, Moony."

"Stupid! Fucking! Twat!" Sirius said, punctuating each word by slamming Severus against the wall.

Remus reached forward and put a hand on Sirius' arm, tugging gently. "Please stop, Sirius. It isn't worth it."

"He's right," James said grudgingly, looking annoyed at having to be responsible. "Or at the very least, if Remus doesn't want us to, we shouldn't. Even if we want to. A lot. So much that Mr. Assface Snivellus better watch his back for a while. Now isn't the time, though."

And with that, James reached forward and shoved Snape as hard as he could away from Sirius, sending the boy sprawling sideways to the ground next to his dumped out book bag.

Sirius' breathing was erratic, and he just glared at Severus. "There are fucking _lines_ that you don't cross," he said. "I don't know what kind of fucking person you are," he added, and spat on the bit of tile next to Snape's feet.

There was an audible reaction from the small crowd they'd drawn; some people made 'ooh' noises, others began whispering. One boy even began chanting _fight_ softly in the hopes of stirring up more trouble. Remus just looked at Severus with an unreadable expression, however, and pulled more firmly on Sirius' arm.

"Come on," he muttered and headed for the cafeteria. "I appreciate the sentiments, but it isn't necessary. The important thing is that I have my stuff back."

"And that you didn't go into a sugar coma or something in the mean time," James added, voice barbed but lighter than it had been since he'd found out Remus' case was missing. After shooting one last dark look at Snape, he stepped over the boy and joined his friends. "You both up for breakfast? I'm starved."


	4. June 2006

"Post, post, post, I love post," James sang, though he yawned halfway through and then frowned as he opened his post box. "I have no post. Bugger. You lot get anything interesting?"

"A letter from my mother," Remus replied, closing his post box and dropping the letter into his bag. He never opened post until he had time to reply right away.

"M-me too, though I bet mine's not going to be as nice as Remus' letter," Peter said, wrinkling his nose and stuffing the envelope into his pocket. He probably wouldn't even open it until next week. All his mum ever did was complain that his grades weren't good enough or tell him all about what great jobs his cousins had lined up and ask why he didn't have his whole life planned out yet.

Pulling his mail out of his own post box, Sirius said, "Oooh! Lookit, Remus, I've got _two_ whole letters! Well. Technically one is a coupon flyer that expired two weeks ago, and that was there the last time I checked the post, but I do have a letter!" He waved the envelope about gleefully. "Who on earth would send me things? I hope it's not one of those Dawson Wossface in the Rules of Attraction, and some bird is going to off herself because I don't know who she is, 'cause that'd be _tragic_."

Never one to be patient or wait anything out, Sirius ripped open the manila envelope, wondering who it might be from (since there was no return address). "I read out loud like a grade school tot," Sirius said. "Read it for me, won't you Moony, my darling?"

Remus rolled his eyes and took the letter, walking close to Sirius so he could read as they made their way to breakfast. James fell in step on this other side, and Peter trailed along slightly behind them.

"Dear Mr. Black," Remus began. "Our client records show that you received services from an employee of ours named Robert McCracken. It is with great sorrow that we write to inform you that several of Mr. McCracken's clients from that time contracted the HIV virus due to Mr. McCracken insufficiently sterilizing his needles..." Remus trailed off and quickly scanned the rest of the letter before looking up at Sirius in alarm. "It's from the Holy Ones Piercing Parlour. Sirius, I don't..."

"Holy shit," James deadpanned.

Sirius stopped. He looked at Remus with wide eyes and mouthed, "AIDS?"

"I, um. I'm sure it's... well, you'll, I mean, we'll just have to go get, you know. Tested," Remus said, his brain trying to come up with solutions in an effort to keep him from panicking. "The letter says 'several'. Not 'all'. It's probably, I mean. You're. We're probably fine."

"Holy _shit_ ," James said again.

"D-does that mean you're both, um, terminally ill?" Peter asked softly, taking a step back as though afraid of catching something.

"Remus. _Moony_. We've. You and I. Without. _Oh_ God," Sirius said, unable to piece his thoughts together coherently. _HIV_. Oh fuck. _AIDS_. Oh, _fucking_ fuck. He could've given it to Remus. He could've given it to anyone he'd slept with since he'd gotten pierced. Oh Jesus. "So many. Don't know. Oh God."

"Hey, it's probably a fake. Give me that," James said, and plucked the letter from Remus' fingers, staring at it as though 'PS - Just joking!' would appear if he just searched hard enough.

"Calm down. There's absolutely no reason to get worked up yet," Remus said, trying to sound calm. It was obvious Sirius was going to pieces, and that meant it was time to be rational and talk him down. Remus could do that. He did it all the time. Never with an _in-curable, life threatening disease_ , though. Which he might also have. Remus swallowed hard, pushed the frightening thoughts from his head, squeezed Sirius' hand, and tried to speak logically. "What's done is done, right? We'll just, we'll figure out if you, I mean, if we do or don't, and then we'll deal with it together from there, okay?"

"It's. I mean. _Remus_." Sirius said, trying to convey how extremely and absolutely horrid and horrible and just... just. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck! Tears started streaming down Sirius' face. "I've just, been with. Before you. Oh, _Christ_ , Moony! If I've given you. Oh, Jesus. I'll never, _ever_ forgive myself."

"Calm down," Remus said softly, stepping in front of Sirius and putting his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders. "Please calm down. That little piece of paper doesn't prove anything."

James looked up at them with a grimace on his face. "It pretty much says here that there's no point in suing as anyone who might possibly be responsible has packed up and left town. It doesn't make _sense_. How would they know to send it here? Why would they tell you at all if they were just going to run away and not deal with it? I think it's fake."

"Who? I mean, _HIV_. That is. I mean, just." Sirius took a deep breath. " _Not_ on!" He managed, wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

Remus took a deep, shaky breath and forced a weak, shaky smile. "See? There's no point in panicking yet. Maybe James is right. And even if he isn't and it _is_ real, there's no saying whether or not you contracted it. Maybe that day he did happen to, um, properly sterilize his needle."

"I don't g-get it," Peter piped up. "So you're not dying now? Or are you?"

"Shut the fuck _up_ , Pete," James snapped. "You're not helping."

"This is not. What sort of. _Wank_ -on-a-stick. Fake letter?" Sirius asked, starting to hyperventilate.

"Sirius," Remus said softly, stepping closer even though they were in a very public hallway. "Sirius, look at me. You need to try to calm down, okay?"

James watched Remus wipe away a few more of Sirius' tears and he clenched his fist, wrinkling the letter in his palm as he did so. Whoever was behind this was going to fucking _pay_. He could see how upset Sirius was, and Sirius had dealt with enough shit in his life without this bollocks on top of it. And even if Remus was trying to calm Sirius down, anyone with eyes could see how bloody terrified he was behind his facade.

"I'll bet it was Snape," James said suddenly, seeing red and wanting to just fix the bloody situation. "It's always fucking Snape."

"Even that. _Creep_. Not. _God_. Too horrible. Even." Sirius sniffed back and started taking deep breaths.

Though Remus was glad Sirius didn't look like he was about to keel over any longer, he always had to be the voice of reason. "I... I don't think we should point fingers. As much as I hope it's fake, I don't think we should count on that just yet."

"I'd rather, you know. Count on Snape. To be honest," Sirius said. He blinked in Peter's direction, noticing that the other boy was staring at him. "What the _fuck_ are you looking at, Wormtail?"

"Nothing! N-nothing at all," Peter squeaked, taking a step back and still looking at Sirius like he thought he might be able to see through his skin and into his blood and focus in on the disease that might be living there. "Just... it doesn't matter."

"I would too, Sirius, but we have to be realistic and consider the possibility that it's actually real," Remus said gently, wrapping his arms around Sirius' middle as much for Sirius' sake as for his own. He was feeling rather shaky all of a sudden.

"You'd think they'd call," Sirius said, swallowing the lump that had formed in is throat. "Or e-mail. At the least."

"Not if they didn't want you to be able to get in touch with them again," Remus pointed out. E-mails could be replied to and phone calls were so personal. "I'm not saying it isn't fake. But there is an easy way to figure out for sure if it is or isn't."

"Why tell me at all then? Why not let me infect an assload of people?" Sirius asked, searching to pick any sort of sense out of what was happening.

"I don't know," Remus said and then shrugged. "Why don't you just call and ask. If Holy Ones still exists, the letter is fake. If it doesn't, there's a chance it's real."

James blinked at Remus for a moment and whipped out his cell phone, dialling the telephone directory number. "I'll do it," he said belatedly, his phone already at his ear.

Remus nodded politely at James and then turned back to Sirius. "Are you okay?"

"I'm kind of freaked out," Sirius answered, quietly, and then started chewing on his lip, watching James over Remus' shoulder.

"Me too," Remus admitted softly.

James answered all the questions and told the operator he eventually got hooked up with to just put him right through and bollocks to the extra charge to his phone bill. His parents paid it anyway. After a moment, he grinned and said, "Still open then, are you? You ever had a piercer there by the name of... oy, Moony, what was it? Robert McCracken? Fabulous!"

Hanging up with a flourish, James looked at Sirius with a manic sort of glint in his eye. "Severus Snape will die."

"Buggering fucktard," Sirius answered, wiping his eyes again, this time crying with relief.

Remus took a deep breath and buried his face in Sirius' neck. That had been rather terrifying for a few moments there, and even if he wasn't quite as outwardly emotional about it as Sirius, the simple fact that he was hugging him and hiding his face against Sirius in the hall with other people around was testament enough to his rather shaken up mental state.

"For this we need to plot," James said seriously, hot, sharp protectiveness burning in his chest. They hadn't bothered Snape for days, and nothing they'd ever done warranted something like this. No one messed with James' friends like that. No one. Snape would simply have to pay.


	5. June 2006

Severus leaned forward, his head resting against the latched wooden door. He was tired of kicking. He had given up yelling about an hour ago. It was completely useless. He was stuck in here until Filch decided to do something involving the grounds. If he ever even bothered.

Peter had been staring at that tool shed from across the field for almost an hour now.

It wasn't that he liked Severus Snape. What he'd done to Sirius this morning was terrible. But Pete had been locked in that shed once and he'd hated it. It was dark and draughty and musty and there were spiders and fluttery things and he'd been in there _all night_ because his friends hadn't even noticed he was gone.

What kind of friends sent him out to steal something from the school janitor and then didn't even come looking when he didn't come back?

Sure, Remus had said he didn't know, but James and Sirius had known. They'd just forgotten. They'd apologized and been extra nice to him for a few days, and Peter had thought he'd forgiven them, but sitting here, listening to Snape shout and then watching the door shake as he kicked it, and then now watching it while it was silent and still, Peter felt for him. (Even if Peter had been stupid enough to sit quietly and wait for his friends, sure that they'd come find him before too long, sure that they'd figure out he'd locked himself in the tool shed by accident.)

Sighing, Peter got up and walked to the shed, unlocking it with his very own set of keys that even James and Sirius didn't know about. He threw the door open and, before he lost his nerve, said, "I'll do it."

Severus, having slunk to the floor by that time, looked up at Peter with surprise, blinking into the sunlight.

"Do what, Pettigrew?" he asked, getting to his feet and dusting off his trousers. "Kill me off and be done with it?"

"No. No k-killing. I... that job. In you know who's company. You said... You m-made me an o-offer. I want to take it."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "So you've actually got bollocks, then? No lacy knickers under your trousers?"

"Sh-shut up," Peter managed, turning rather pink. "I just saved you. And I haven't g-got any reason to stay on this side, h-have I?" Peter's tone was so bitter he could taste it in his mouth. "They're all l-leaving me behind. They d-don't care. They w-won't even _notice_."

"Saved me, did you? By opening the door? You give yourself far too much credit, Pettigrew," Severus said, smirking. "And don't they care? I bet they will when it all turns around on them," he added, thoughtfully. "He's got some interesting plans, you know. I haven't heard them all, but what I have heard, well. Let me put it this way, _Wormtail_. It'll give these jerk-offs exactly what they deserve."

"Don't c-call me that," Peter said as firmly as he could manage. "My name is Peter Pettigrew, not, not _that_."

"So much as I figured," Severus said, knowing fully well what buttons to push to make Pettigrew do as he wanted him to. Like Bellatrix had said, the weak-link was the key to their downfall, after all, and there was no one weaker than Pettigrew. "For now, it's simple. You pretend that they're still your friends. That you _care_. You weasel as much information as possible from them about upcoming 'missions' or whatever Gideon Prewett likes to call his caped crusades. You relay it back to me, and I'll take it from there. In the summer, you'll go to London and act as Riddle's personal assistant, obviously not telling Black and the Gang what you're really up to. Be vague. Like you said, they won't care."

Peter wanted to snap at Snape. Wanted to tell him that even though Peter said they wouldn't care didn't mean _Snape_ could say it. They hated Snape. But it was true. He knew they wouldn't ask for specifics if he just didn't give them any. And now that he thought about it, every time he'd told James or Sirius not to call him Wormtail, they'd just smiled and said something like, 'whatever you say, Wormtail.' Even though they weren't friends at all, Snape hadn't even done that.

So, Peter just nodded and said, "Okay. I, I'll e-mail you. I'll e-mail you all t-the information I have so far. Um, w-what's your e-mail address?"

"Send it to snape@vdm.com. I'll have an address set up for you soon enough, so your personal accounts aren't traceable. In the meantime I'd suggest setting up something temporary. You don't want to be personally connected to what's going to happen, Pettigrew, even if you will be." Snape paused pursing his lips. "We need as many names as you can give up, Pettigrew. We know the Prewetts; they don't exactly make themselves scarce. We've got McKinnon and Doge, being watched as well, and a police officer they conned off the force by the name of Dearborn. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. Then there are the marauding douche bags, and anyone else identified in protests. But we'll need a confirmed list."

"Okay," Peter said, quickly cataloguing all that information. He just _knew_. he'd forget some of it. Not that it mattered. Did it? Did it matter if he knew who they already knew was part of the Order of Weed? It didn't, did it? Maybe it did. He'd better try to remember just in case. So if it ever came down to it, he could try and show them all how helpful he was by saying, 'Oh, yes, I knew you knew that already. I was just confirming.' Even though that was what Snape had said already, and he'd probably stutter and it wouldn't make him look smart anyway. But at the very least, Snape said they needed a confirmed list. Which meant they needed Peter. No one had really ever needed him before, so maybe it didn't matter if he stuttered so long as he gave them the information they needed.

Shaking his head, Peter came out of his thoughts and began to back towards the school, smiling slightly. 

"Okay," he said again. "I will. But I'd better get back. I... I'll b-be in touch." 

Severus refrained from laughing, a cross between amused and rather impressed that Peter actually wanted to _do_ something. "Yes, Pettigrew," he said, moving in the opposite direction. "I supposed we will be." 


End file.
